i haven’t written anything in a while because i haven’t gotten the chance to, really. i’ve been too busy mentally preparing for this very moment. the first night.
in high school i studied a lot, and usually did poorly on tests. what i normally ended up doing was studying the wrong materials. i would spend hours poring over a specific subject, one i was sure we’d be tested on, and instead find the next day to bring a completely different part of the chapter.
for this, too, i thought i was ready. i thought i’d gotten it all out of my system. what i didn’t expect to do was to break down in the car before driving away, to play constant sound to keep my mind off it. i didn’t expect to be this unprepared.
tonight marks the first of many much different from what i’ve gotten used to. in a way, history is repeating itself; in another, i won’t let it. this is the best thing i’ve ever had. i want to hold onto it for as long as i can.
i’ll begin writing regularly here, most likely. i need a place to put my thoughts.
remind me to write in my other journal more, the purple one. i need to do more of that.