saturday april 22

i’m better at being the rock than being the person who needs the rock. when i’m the person who needs the rock, i’m gone for days. i’m not myself. it’s embarrassing. when i’m the rock, though, i’m in control. i comfort people. they look up to me. i’m useful.

yesterday afternoon we were in my bedroom and i fully expected to be the one crying on the bedsheets. i always am in this case. i was surprised, though, when he said “it’s all hitting me now” and he broke down on my lap.

i thought that would never happen. i’m happy it did. in a vain kind of way, i’m glad i was the one rubbing the hair and brushing the cheeks and saying it’ll be all right, we can do this. i think he understands now. i know he will, at some point. but he’s starting to.

as soon as i can figure out how to get around the “premium” block and upload audio clips here, i will. i’d love to do a sound diary.

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